AMAZING GRACE

I think that many moments in my life have been lived purely by the grace of God. There were times when I almost did not live to see the next day: a near drowning when I was only nine years old, and, later in life, a serious accident in my car that could have killed not only me but my husband and the other drivers involved. These were moments when I may not have had a chance to live one moment longer in this life on this earth plane. But I did. I lived to learn more about God’s grace, God’s love, about second chances, about giving back, about forgiveness, especially forgiveness of myself. Ah, yes, that is often the most difficult forgiveness of all.

God’s grace and great love for me saw me through homelessness, kept me off the streets, removed me from unhealthy relationships when I was not wise enough to leave those relationships willingly, kept me going through deep depression and despair, kept me from truly ending my life even when I attempted it willingly. Even if the attempts were feeble and more of a call for help, God’s grace still kept me from doing any greater harm to myself. God’s grace sustained me in all the months of healing that followed.

I am here today, writing this, because I have known God’s grace present in my life for the entirety of my life. And I am profoundly grateful. God’s grace sustained me even in … perhaps especially in… those moments when I did not think myself worthy of love … experiences of trauma as a child when I was harmed by those very people who loved me. That is a kind of betrayal which is challenging to live beyond. I carried tremendous anger and resentment towards those people for a very long time.

It took a long time for me to discover that forgiveness of myself and others is the only path to peace. And I believe that the grace and love of God revealed that to me. I don’t know what led those I loved to make the decisions they made, but that is not important. For I didn’t  live their experiences, and  I cannot possibly understand what they went through. God always forgives and it is mine to forgive also: to give for, to give love in return no matter what has taken place.

No matter what happens to us, by us, because of us or because of others … none of that … absolutely none of that could ever separate us from the love of the Power that created each of us. That Power eventually brings us back to our spiritual selves, to our spiritual senses, to our spiritual awareness of who we really are … we are “saved” by amazing grace.

When I look back on those moments now, with a changed perception, I see that we are all souls on a  journey, sometimes fumbling along the way, trying to figure out who we are, how we fit into the grand scheme of things, often unaware of our great connection to an all loving and all forgiving creator. We can only live what we know. Until we are blessed by being exposed to new thoughts, new ways of being … we cannot grow beyond pain and fear. They hold us hostage to our pasts. Love and forgiveness not only help us to grow beyond our past, but to set our course on a new future … a future with hope and faith.

I am reminded of that passage from Jeremiah 29:11-13 NRSV “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart”

THAT is the profound presence of GRACE that brings us all home to God who dwells within us.