A Place I Never Expected to Be
My last entry was in July, many months ago. At that time I had no idea what lay ahead. It is now Saturday, 11 October and I am in the second of two nursing homes. Both are in West County. The first was very bad. Now I am in the second called Manchester Rehab and Healthcare.
It is infinitely better than the first place, but I miss my own home terribly. Against any odds, that is now my intention - to once again have my own home. I have no idea how. The faith I felt when I wrote my last blog in July had not yet been tested by all these new and often unpleasant experiences. My apartment had to be dismantled. My niece, my friend Cindy and Kathy’s daughter Jess and her wife Quinn were kind enough to pack up my stuff, put some in storage, give some away and bring what was possible to me here. I am very grateful.
I’m kind of shaking as I write this because my faith is being tested daily, unlike the time when I confidently wrote that last blog entry. Life can change in an instant ,,, or in a series of instants … to the very point where I am this day.
Most, if not all of the people who work here are very kind. And the kinder I am to them, the more kindness they share in return. And I am fortunate to have my own room … a blessing for which I am eternally grateful no matter how long it lasts.
The gentleman across the hall went home yesterday with his wife. He was one of the regulars in weekday workouts in the rehab gym. Also very helpful and kind people.
This morning, in the “twilight” state between sleep and awake, I dreamed I was going home. Imagine how disappointed I felt when I woke up and found myself still here. But, it was at that moment that my friend Cindy’s faith kicked in for me as well. I decided I am putting all of my faith in God, for, with God all things are possible. I know how impossible my situation FEELS to me, but I have decided to have FAITH big enough for even the impossible. I know that faith is going to “flag” from time to time. This is the first day of deciding I truly want my own home and life again. Again, I have my friend Cindy to thank for that.
I also have my wonderful friends from church to thank for that: Vernetta, Sarah, Marian and Diane who brought fruit and a beautiful deck of spiritual tarot cards, and Jackie who visited twice, once to do Reiki and the last time she brought me a beautiful handmade calendar for 2026. Sarah brought fresh fruit in a pretty quilted bowl when she and Vernetta visited me. I showed them my artwork from way back during the time of my visits to the Garden. I felt complimented that they were both so taken by them and took home some prints. That felt so kind and supportive. And a pretty yellow kalencho from Cindy sits at one end of my windowsill, pictures of Ireland in between, and Jackie’s calendar displayed at the other end of the windowsill. Cindy has visited more than once as well. Since I can leave here if someone wants to take me out, I can have dinner with Cindy at our favorite OLIVE GARDEN restaurant
I am blessed with my own tv from home and many pretty things my niece brought along from there. I am grateful, very much so for all these kindnesses. And one day I hope to be able to have the opportunity to attend a service at UCOL. That would require another long trip to get me and bring me home. But it is kind of a dream for me to be picked up, purchase some kind of sweet treat on the way (like I used to make and bring) and join everyone for service and fellowship. Yes, I am on a walker, but I can still carefully maneuver down steps if someone holds the walker. That is how much I want to be with all of them again. Perhaps that is not possible, but it is a wish and a prayer.
So, my dear friends, my faith is being tested in all kinds of new ways these days. I do the very best I can and God does the rest.
Much love to all my readers. God bless you!
I am so impressed by your devotion and faith. It is wonderful to read your writings again. We all miss you at church. Love, Marian
ReplyDeleteThank you so much ❤️
ReplyDeleteMarian, there is absolutely nothing to be proud of me for. You can pass along this information to everyone else. I am a kind of fake. I have not been able to have a bowel movement since long before I got to this place with these lovely people. I've been using Dulcolax, unknown to them, because nothing they were doing helped me at all. I need an honest to goodness doctor to advise me. I'm calling the gastroenterilogist tomorrow because I am due for a colonoscopy later this month anyway. Every time I ask to please, please see a doctor here, it's never happened iI am scared because I don't know what's going on with my body or what to think anymore. I appreciate the prayers from everyone about this because I am frightened. No knowledge, no answers leads to panic. No one here has run across this I guess. I do not know. I feel like s.uch a fake. I'm sad and scared.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth ❤️
ReplyDeleteThis is Elizabeth again. I reached out to Dr. Geisman's office today to,hopefully get some information tomorrow as to how to proceed. I'm scared, but I am being honest as I know how to be. ELIZABETH ❤️
ReplyDelete