HI MOMMY, IT'S ME

                                (an imaginary conversation from baby in the womb to Mommy)

Hi Mommy, this is your baby. How are you feeling today? Inside your tummy it is warm and cozy and feels so safe. It's very quiet in here, except for the comforting beat of your heart. Sometimes I hear Daddy talking to you about me. He's wondering if I am a boy or a girl. And when you visit the doctor I feel the pressure of the wand as he rubs it across your belly. It doesn't hurt a bit. It is actually kind of comforting. I know I am growing inside of you the healthy way I should be growing. I sense that it is almost time for me to come out. I'm happy about that because I get to see you and Daddy, but it is awfully nice and safe and warm in here.

I'll bet you are BEAUTIFUL and that Daddy is very HANDSOME. Do you both have brown eyes or blue eyes? Am I Caucasian or Black? It doesn't matter to me because I know you love me. Skin color makes no difference. God created us all equal. I know this because sometimes Jesus talks to me. He has a really soft and kind voice. Of course, I cannot see him. That will come later after I am born.

I don't care what faith you are, just that you are good people, that you love God and Jesus and Mary, that you appreciate the fact that Jesus died for all of our sins so that we can live forever in Paradise with the Angels. Sometimes one of the angels whispers to me as well, assuring me that my birth will be an easy one for you.

I'm just wondering, Mommy. What color is your hair? What color is your skin? And what about Daddy? What color is his skin and his hair? God loves all of His children equally, every race and every religion. He just wants us to be good to one another and not hurt one another.

And Daddy's eye color. What is that? And what is the color of your eyes? I know that you are very beautiful Mommy and that Daddy is really handsome. I know he is kind and would never hurt you or me. I know that you are both gentle and very much in love with one another. I know you will both always keep me safe from anyone who might try to harm me.

We'll have many adventures together, beginning with the adventure of birth. I know that's going to really hurt you Mommy. I'm sorry about that, but I think that once I am safely born, you'll forget all about the pain.

I suspect I'll cry a lot when I first come out. And I'll probably get cranky especially when I'm hungry or my diapers are poopy. But since you and daddy love me so much you will be kind and patient. I'm sorry I'll keep you awake some nights.

I just want to grow up to be a good little girl or boy. I want you to be proud of me. I want to make something of myself. I want to make the world a better place. Maybe I'll be a writer or an artist. Maybe I'll be a politician ... a good one who cares about everyone in our country and in the world.

Will you give me a brother or a sister? Will we be a small family or a large one? In any case, I know we will love one another and have lots of times that are fun. These are all the things the angels have whispered to me. I know there will be difficult times as well because Jesus told me that difficulties can make us better people. There are so many things I've learned here in your tummy.

I might forget them after I am born, though, so you will teach these things to me again and I will hold them in my heart and be the best little girl or boy I can be. I want you to feel proud of me, respect me and lead me in paths that are good and safe.

Most of all Mommy, I cannot wait to meet you and Daddy. God blesses us now and always, keeps us safe and instructs us in the loving ways of the world. And I'll get to meet my grandparents too! Are they both still alive? I look forward to Grandma holding me tenderly and Grandpa bumping me on his knee. He'll play outside with me, maybe on the swings. Maybe he'll take me to long walks in the park.

Mommy, will you and Daddy let me have a puppy? One that I can love and train to be a good little doggy? One who will run beside me and play with me and tumble around in the grass with me? All these things I wonder about here, safe and warm in your tummy. Maybe I'll be able to remember some of this conversation after I'm born. I hope so.

God bless you Mommy and Daddy. See you soon! I love you!

                                                 

                                                 ANOTHER NEW DAY

This is yet another brand new day. It's a day to say THANK YOU that I am alive and well. Yes, I'm still living here at the nursing home, but I have my plans to move into that apartment complex in Florissant, Missouri. I don't know where the furniture and everything is going to come from, but I'm confident, that with the help of friends I will get it all figured out. With the help of God I will figure it out. Jesus said, "See? I make all things new."

It is good to be alive. The sun is shining outside. I'm sitting here in the lounge at the end of the hall, with my prayer shawl wrapped around me. It was a gift years ago from my best friend of over thirty years, Cindy. I miss her. I've not seen her in a few months. I'm hoping she will be able to come up for a visit in the not to distant future. She is a wonderful person, a loving person who takes such wonderful care of her family, seldom thinking of herself and her needs as she does to theirs.

It is at times like these that I think back to all those years ago when I did not want to have children. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. When you're only twenty-one years old you cannot possibly imagine how you are going to feel at 76. I can't believe I am already 76 years old. I don't know where all those years went to, but I'm grateful to be alive to experience all that I have, to be blessed as I am blessed, to have friends, to have some family I still see. Yesterday my cousin and her husband came and brought me groceries as a birthday gift and a pretty card with money inside.

These little things mean a lot. It's hard to imagine that when you aren't living as I am right now. It's amazing what we take for granted until we don't have those things, those people we loved, those experiences and that lifestyle.

But that is where my faith comes in. I believe strongly in a loving Father who takes care of me. I feel I have a personal relationship with Jesus. I don't say those things to many people because speaking of religion and God these days don't seem to be what people want to hear. I guess they just get so wrapped up in day-to-day living that those important things can be temporarily forgotten. I didn't fully appreciate how wonderful it is to go to church every Sunday until now, when that no longer happens.

Occasionally my friend, Marian, will pick me up and take me to Unity Church of Light. The last time I was there was for the beautiful Good Friday service. Yet, I know that when I am settled in my own new home again, this is change. So many things will change, the ability to eat the foods I want, the opportunity to go outside and walk without anyone telling me I cannot. It's amazing what we take for granted until it's no longer there.

I am much more appreciative, now, of many things I didn't think twice about before. That's a good thing. And there are many good things that will continue to come my way. I'm even planning on traveling again. I don't know how or when or where, but those plans I leave up to my heavenly Father.

Sometimes it seems that Jesus and God have been forgotten in our fast paced world, that we fail to appreciate all the good that we have, that we wake up each morning to a new day, that we have the opportunity to give and receive kindness.

Those things keep the world going: LOVING KINDNESS. Many blogs ago I mentioned the song: "What the world needs now is love, sweet love, not just for some, but for everyone." Truer words were never spoken.

Lately I have watched, on YouTube, some pretty upsetting movies about human trafficking, about sexual abuse, about all the horrors that are going on in the Middle East. We don't realize, because we feel buffered by distance, just how bad it really is. And, then again, we have those very same things going on within our own borders.

Awareness is key. If we're not aware we will never be motivated to do anything, even if that does not involve political action. It means ever so much more if we put our concerns to the Lord in prayer, for He can do all things. We seem to have forgotten that these days. It's important to remember to pray, to meditate, to take the time to appreciate the freedoms we have in this country - and - if we are able to, actively fight to preserve those freedoms.

That's not something I am able to do right now, but months ago I found myself in a protest against the unconscionable behavior of our current president and his administration. It's hard to see the Christ in that man. But Christ is in there somewhere buried beneath hatred, misunderstanding and inability to live morally.

Yet, who of us knows how that man grew up? What abuse he may have been subjected to. Perhaps the same was true of Adolph Hitler. We just don't really know what someone else is going through unless we have walked in their shoes.

So that, my friends, is what we need to do: put ourselves in another's "shoes", even if just for a moment, to appreciate the fact that they have gone through tough times too. Tough times can make tough people. That does not excuse their behaviors, which is why we need to continue to remember them in prayer.

To anyone out there who may be reading this, have a blessed and peaceful day. If the sun is shining, get out and take a walk in God's beautiful world.

Namaste,

Elizabeth

                            

LOVING KINDNESS

It's not always easy to show love and kindness, especially to those whose behavior we perceive as having hurt us. No one promised being a human being would be easy. And if you are striving to be a loving human as Jesus Christ was, it's even more challenging. 

Ever since I was a little girl, I felt a deep connection with Jesus. I think that interest and inspiration happened after watching all those biblical movies that came out in the 50's and 60's: BEN HUR, THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD, THE ROBE, to name a few. I was a small child of seven or eight when my oldest brother Richard who was friends with my then-teacher, Jack, took our entire class to see BEN HUR in one of those big old theatres in downtown St. Louis - from another era. BEN HUR was pretty violent for a 7 year old girl, but, somehow it grabbed me and fascinated me. Any movie since that time with a spiritual nature has drawn me to it.

The most powerful one, made in 2004, produced by Mel Gibson and starring Jim Caviezel is a riveting portrayal of the way Jesus' life and the lives of his disciples, his Mother, Mary and Mary Magdelene unfolded over 2000 years ago. How could one not be deeply touched by the powerful scenes of judgment, scourging and crucifixion that took place. I think this is the most realistic movie of Christ's life and death that I have ever seen. I have watched it over and over - it is so powerful.

But it's power would be lost on me, on its audience if it did not move me, move us, to behave differently after seeing it. The power of the WORD is only effective if we actively seek to apply it to our lives on a daily basis. This is seldom easy.

As you know, I am currently living in a nursing home environment where, as soon as you walk in the door, so many personal freedoms and privacy disappear. I'm working to leave here and live independently again, as I have mentioned in a former blog. BUT in the meantime I have to live the best life possible. That's challenging when you share a small bedroom and bathroom with someone else, a mere curtain separating me from my neighbor, who is sweet. But whatever is going on with her impacts me and vice versa. 

That is why I sit in this room at the end of my hall for so many hours each day. I pray here, I write here, I draw here, I view spiritual movies on YouTube. Fortunately there are many very good ones available today. Viewing these makes me think - certainly hope - that humans are finally getting the message that if we do not come together to save one another and to save our planet, neither will be around much longer. Global warming is very real. Human trafficking is very real. War and destruction are very real.

But the good news is that I - that all of us - have the ability, once our eyes have been opened, to begin to make changes in our personal lives and in the lives we touch, whose lives touch so many others as well. "What the World Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love" is not just a pretty song. It is an accurate statement for our time and place in history.

It is up to us to be the change, to make the difference, daily in our interactions large and small.

We truly do have the ability to change the world - one person at a time.

Just "try a little tenderness" and take time on a daily basis to connect with Jesus and our Father in Heaven who loves us beyond all human comprehension. Jesus died on the cross to cleanse us of our sins. So it is our responsibility to live as morally and lovingly as we can in order to be happy and at peace, and to help others feel loved and at peace.

SHALOM MY FRIENDS, NAMASTE, GOD BLESS YOU

                                                        Work-Life Balance

No, I no longer work at a paid job. When I eventually leave this place, perhaps I will begin working again. Who knows? Well, first of all, SHOW ME HOME didn't work out. It's confusing trying to explain the reasons, so I'm not even going to try.

My goal now is to get into St. Patrick's Senior Apartments in Florissant, Missouri where a friend from church lives. My current medications will go with me, but I'll need to find a very good new doctor. I'll probably have to enlist the help of Catholic services for furniture or whatever else I need to furnish a new place. That was the true beauty of the other program. It did all that for you.

But I was raised on the belief that "Where there is a will there is a way." So I'm awaiting the statement of income from Social Security and an application from St. Patrick's Apartments. Then I return those to St. Patrick's and wait to actually move in; that could be between three and six months. but that's a lot better than the wait list for the other program. And in that program, you had to do all of it within a year. At the end of that year I do not believe I could have re-enlisted because the very vague reasoning would still exist.

However, today's "lesson", if you will, is my own version of work-life balance. I get so caught up in trying to take care of so many others here, that it has completely worn me down to a frazzle. I now realize more clearly that some of my physical problems are aggravated, by not getting much sleep, but also because I look out more for others than I do for myself. That is not a good thing. God wants us to care for one another, but not at the expense of our own needs not being met.

So as is often the case I sat down to watch a movie on YouTube. The setting was in 2008 economically depressed central Florida. The first scene was of a young black man whose cocaine habit was so out of control, he tried getting run  by a car, which swerved and missed him. It was at that point that he finally realized he needed to do something to help himself.

He found a grocery store and hunkered down on the ground outside with no money to buy anything to eat. A man came up and sat down beside him, listened to his story and went in and came out with a hearty breakfast ... the first meal the young man had eaten in days. Later, it turned out that no one knew of that man or had ever seen him. He only appeared long enough to buy the young man a meal. The belief is that he turned out to be an "angel". We've all heard of "living with angels among us unawares."

Concurrently, in the movie, a woman who was a well-respected news reporter was about to lose her job in the depressed economy. On top of that, she had a brother with the same cocaine addiction. He wanted no part of her help, only to keep the habit, sleep it off only to repeat the cycle over and over again. She desperately wanted to get him clean and sober.

Meanwhile, a young pastor in the same town was trying to raise $600,000 to buy a church and turn it into a rehab center for drug addicts. By the end of the movie, not only did the young pastor get the original amount needed to buy the church to make it into a shelter, he was also gifted the 10 million dollar estate of a woman who had died and bequeathed the money to the church for whatever purpose it saw fit.

Now exist in this same formerly depressed part of central Florida many churches, homeless shelters for families, medical facilities, rehab programs and more. All due to the POWER OF FAITH. This is a story I really needed to hear right now.

I believe there are always "angels" operating beyond our awareness, working with God to bring about the large and small everyday miracles we need to live our best and happiest lives. We do not have to do it all on our own. That is not the way our Creator intended for us to live. First of all He sent His only-begotten son into the world to cleanse us of our sins, and then to be a our way shower for selfless love, for sharing, caring, and for creating a world that could be heaven on earth, if only we followed God's loving plan for our lives.

                     AN UPDATE AND SOME LOVELY MEMORIES

Well, I finally got to meet Barbara from Show Me Home/Money Follows the Person when she visited with me yesterday. We had spoken on the phone a few times. My intention is to finally leave here and live independently again. Our social worker brought her by and introduced her to me. Barbara very kindly provided me with LOTS of information, which is a bit daunting at this point. And I have to wait for approval. As it turns out I only have one year to find housing, so all those places I had called for information, and who said they had a waiting list for more than one year, are not going to be within my search. She has provided me with lists of places and other information which will help me in my search. She is very supportive of my desire to leave here. And the staff here agree as well. This is especially true of the physical therapy staff with whom I've been working these many months. I stropped using the walker a few months ago and they completely agree I'm ready for this change. I've even had the opportunity to get outside and walk, as long as someone is walking with me. I walk all over the building several times a day, and take care of all my personal needs.

Am I nervous? Just a bit daunted? Well, of course. This is just one more new thing for me to do. I've certainly made so many changes in my life already, more than most people probably. So that means I'm versatile, and that's a good thing. I'm also persistent, or what my mom used to call "just plain stubborn". True. Like the famed Missouri Mule, I am stubborn. And kind of proud of it. Though, at times it has gotten me into trouble. Imagine that!

I have been through many challenging times in life. Who has not? For me this included repeated childhood sexual abuse from several family members over a period of about nine years, At the urging of one of my therapists, it was suggested I confront them. I did so in letters I sent to all of them. That was considered a safe approach which would protect me from verbal abuse. I received at least one vehement letter stating everything I said was made up, a lie, my imagination ... and so on an so on. I was sad and unnerved but not surprised.

I continued seeing therapists. I was married to my second husband who gave me emotional support. Different therapists, different approaches. But over time we decided we just were not going to make it as a couple. I feel that a good part of what caused the divorce was my problem, no so much his. He did not want to divorce at first, but it was  for the best for both of us, and we maintain a kind and supportive friendship via email.

I even explored past life regression therapy. Some people found that just a little too far out, but, for me, it was very helpful. I deciphered patterns that appeared during those sessions which showed me that many of the things I am working on now had their basis in lives of long ago. It was eye-opening. I worked with a licensed therapist, not some kooky fortune teller. He was a kind man, a respected man and knew the author of the book LIFE AFTER LIFE - Brian Weiss - a St. Louis native and a psychotherapist of good standing.

I also worked in a store years ago that employed clairvoyants. The owner was a very kind man, for whom I worked part time. So, yes, my background is varied and colorful. My life has not had many dull moments. Probably the "tamest" I've ever been is living the in the current nursing home. I work out in the gym, I draw and write and blog and spend time in prayer and meditation. Many of my past blogs are of a spiritual nature.

I have made drawings for several residents and for those who work here. They are not usual artwork, but rather drawings with bible quotes surrounded by original designs. I never know how they are going to turn out, but hope they are meaningful. So far, they have been widely appreciated. And I feel I am doing something helpful and uplifting for them as well as for me.

Many years ago, though, I used to sit in the Missouri Botanical Garden and the Teahouse Garden sketching in pencil, charcoal, and Sumi ink. After several months of sitting along the path and drawing, one of the horticulturist staff asked me to be a volunteer artist. I drew depictions of many features of the Japanese Garden. It was a very wonderful time of my life because I was surrounded by beauty which I could express in my drawings.

Now, I haven't been there in years, but last winter a friend from church took me. The Christmas decorations were still up, and there were so many wonderful additions since I had last been there. It was fascinating and beautiful. The Jack C. Taylor Visitors Center is totally redesigned with many more attractions which enhance the guests' experience. We spent time in the Japanese Garden which looks different now, but I could still follow some of the paths I did all those years ago. It was a very special time of my life and I was grateful my friend took me there.

My original visits to The Botanical Garden were in the 1980's. My apartment was located close by. It was a lovely two bedroom which had very little yard. That is when I started going, almost daily when I was working part-time jobs. I became good friends with Greg, a horticulturist who helped take care of Teahouse Island. He allowed me to spend time there. Normally, it was off limits except for every August during The Japanese Festival. This was a very interesting eight years back in the eighties.

Greg was a handsome, kind, spiritual and knowledgeable. I would have liked to have had a deeper relationship with him outside of that which we shared at the Garden, but that was not meant to be. We remained good friends for eight years. We often spoke of our philosophical and spiritual beliefs and how those blended with the beauty and sacredness of the Japanese Garden. My mom visited one time while I was there drawing. She finally met Greg and  thought he was as handsome as Rock Hudson. I think he was even more handsome than Rock Hudson. Generational differences ... I was just delighted she finally got to meet him.

My mom was an amazing woman. We had had our issues in childhood, but as adults we were best friends. When she died the Sunday after Thanksgiving in 2005, I felt like I had lost my best friend. I remember everyone else had left and I remained behind to wait for the funeral home to come and pick up her body.  The nurses came in. They were so kind to my mom and to me whenever I visited her. I remember them gently warning me that when they deflated the mattress she was lying on, it might look like she was still breathing. That really didn't alarm me. I sat next to her holding her still warm hand until the gentleman from the funeral parlor came to pick up her body. Those extra, last moments with her meant everything to me.

My mom loved roses, which is probably where my love of roses comes from. Our long narrow backyard bloomed with rosebushes and lilacs ... lilacs all across the back yard, down the side yard and almost to the street. I used to watch her work in the garden and sit outside, and use twigs to build "houses" in the grass. It was so much fun. I even had a tent at one time, and a little playhouse my dad had built. The property had been an orchard many years before, so there were still peach trees and grape vines. The grapes were the sour kind used to make wine.

There was one unusual but amazing incident that happened in 1984 when I was dating a man whose parents had this huge house in Kirkwood, Missouri. I was sleeping in the downstairs bedroom. I had been sick all night after we had stopped at McDonald's to have a hamburger after one of his graduate classes at Maryville College. I was terribly ill that night. He was not. I couldn't go to work the next morning, so I stayed in bed. It was quiet down there in that little bedroom, and I was tucked in warmly all by myself. At about 9 am I was dozing on and off, and finally feeling better. Suddenly, though I had my eyes closed, I felt someone kiss my forehead and pull the covers up to my chin. I knew it was my mom, and I knew I was not dreaming or hallucinating. I'll never forget that beautiful moment for as long as I live.

                                                        ALL IN GOD'S TIME

This is Monday, a brand new week to explore new possibilities. Well, as you may remember from my last blog, I am looking for affordable senior housing in the St Louis County area. I have been in touch with the program SHOW ME HOME, which, when you find an affordable apartment, gives you furniture, helps you move in, and provides the first month's rent. It's basically HUD housing which is what I lived in before at Church Street Village in St. Peters, Missouri.

It's quite the process - and the qualifications, interviews, applications - well, all of it can be a bit daunting. Fortunately they are kind people who truly want to help. I began a new search this morning, not wanting to waste any time. A day or two ago I called a place where the wait list is 3 - 5 years! I don't think so!  Not if I can help it. During my search today I found a lovely apartment complex in St. Louis county, in an area where I used to live years ago. I await that application in the mail to begin the process, with a wait list of 6-24 months.  That is daunting, but I have to begin somewhere. And there is one thing I know for certain it will be in God's perfect timing. It is God and Jesus Christ in whom I place my trust.

As it says in Luke 12:23-31 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds. And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you."

I can think of no better example of trust than that beautiful scripture. We are of such importance to our creator. It is said that he knows the numbers of hairs upon our head. He gave his only son to come into the world, suffer and die, paying for our sins and assuring us salvation. Somehow, I feel very close to Him. Many times in the months since I have lived here I have felt afraid and alone. I have no immediate family. I have wonderful cousins, my best friend who lives almost 30 miles away and my wonderful friends at church. But weeks go by without seeing these precious people. That is where my love of Jesus comes in. I know I can talk to him any time of the day or night.

I have my favorite spot here in the building. It is up the hall from my room in a common area that's usually pretty quiet day and evening. This is where I pray, draw, write and watch movies on YouTube (the inspirational kind.) There is nothing quite so soothing to the soul as privacy. Here we are cared for, fed and even entertained. But PRIVACY, real privacy is a gift you cannot possibly fathom being without. Shared showers, shared bathrooms. There's no place like home where you can close the door to the outer world and dream your dreams.

One of those dreams is to travel again. In 2021 I went to Ireland. It was incredible from coast to coast. We toured by bus beginning and ending in Dublin. We were in Galway, where President Kennedy visited shortly before his assassination. There is a brass statue of him there. We traveled to Waterford and stayed in a beautiful family mansion turned B&B. Waterford is the home of the beautiful crystal and where they fly the American flag alongside their own. 

We visited the site of the Potato Famine that took place and caused the death of thousands before many fled to America, some settling in St. Louis. Many years ago there was an Irish section of the city, which no longer exists. For anyone familiar with Switzer's Black Licorice, the Irish settlement was not far from the factory that manufactured that Licorice.

We dined in a former Castle where we had the standard Irish fare, always with Guiness, of course. We enjoyed an old fashioned "minstrel" show with singing, dancing and storytelling. Another time we visited an old fashioned Irish pub, where a man sang all the favorites including DANNY BOY. I have to admit, I think I had enough Guiness that night to begin flirting with the musician. Ah well ... "when in Rome".

We went to Kilkenny, visited the Ring of Kerry, then to Waterford which is the home of the famous elegant Waterford Crystal and where we stayed in an beautifully refurbished former mansion turned B&B where the American flag flew alongside the Irish flag.

But my favorite site by far were The Cliffs of Moher which tower over the North Sea at 702 feet. The Gateway Arch at 630 feet tall, would "fit"under the Cliffs of Moher with room to spare. The entire surrounding area of cliffs and the North Sea is exquisite. 

We spent our last night back in Dublin before heading home. I'll admit that I did not want to leave. We had to be tested again for Covid before returning to the states. I came back in time to miss the Omicron virus.

My love of travel comes naturally. I grew up in a family that traveled every summer ... not in an expensive way. We used to stop at rest areas to eat sandwiches. It was so much fun. From the age of 5 years old til I was in my teens and then as a married woman I've been as far west as Banff Alberta and as far east as St. Andrews by the Sea in Nova Scotia. It's all beautiful, and I have many wonderful memories. That's why I have the "travel bug". I think I inherited it from my mother and grandmother. My mom went to Italy and Germany when she was the same age I was when I visited Ireland.

With a little bit of Irish Luck (I'm 5% Irish), I'll return to the land of shamrocks and leprechauns, Irish Whiskey and Guinness, which by the way, the natives think is far better than Budweiser.

 

26 April 2026

Life definitely took an unusual turn in October of this year. I am now living at Manchester Rehab and Healthcare in Ballwin, Missouri. I moved here because I had unexplained issues with my body that weren't being handled well until I came here and began to know the wonderful staff who work here. It was discovered by the doctor here that I am dealing with IBS. For anyone not familiar with "alphabet soup", IBS means Irritable Bowel Syndrome. No, it certainly doesn't sound pretty. It is not. But it is under control with a drug called Linzess. It's working pretty well.

But something pretty wonderful has shown up on my horizon. It is a program called "SHOW ME HOME". With the assistance and recommendation of our social worker here, I am now enrolled in the program. It means that I look for independent housing and, once found, they help with moving me in, getting my medications arranged with a new doctor. Now, the search is the tricky part. I've been able to pull together, with the help of our financial expert, the necessary documents to get into the program. But, so far, I've been greeted with the not-so-great news by one apartment complex I called. Their wait list is three to five years! Yep, you heard me right. I have checked out a few others in the St. Louis area, but nothing has shown up yet. I'm a faith-filled woman. God, Jesus Christ and the belief in Heaven are a huge part of my faith. I've drawn "pictures" of sayings from the Bible encircled with designs. They are hanging on the walls of my room, even the bathroom! You might say I can get a bit carried away. I've done dozens of these "drawings" since I have been here and given them to staff and residents as well.

And some very kind people working here have been very encouraging. One kind nurse who has become a friend over these past months believes I'll be moving in my new place within the next eight weeks. I appreciate her support and I hope that is indeed the case.

And since my faith needed a little boost right now, I watched on YouTube a movie I had seen at the theater in 2014 when it first came out: HEAVEN IS FOR REAL. It's the true story of a little boy who, while undergoing surgery for a burst appendix, left his body and went to Heaven, where he saw beautiful Light beings - Angels that laughed. He met Jesus Christ, even sat on his lap. He saw his parents' grandparents. And one of the most amazing things is that Jesus introduced him to his little sister, who was about three years old, but who had died in her mother's womb. Todd Burpo was the pastor of Crossroads Wesleyan Church in Imperial, Nebraska. The surgery of little Colton took place in 2003. So he is a young teenager now with a very real little sister a few years younger.

Simultaneously in an Eastern country a very talented young girl, Akiane Kramarik, was painting "Prince of Peace" - Jesus. "eight years old. Based on her recurring heavenly visions. The 2003 painting is renowned for its detailed, human and divine portrayal of Jesus. She did this despite being raised in a non-religious, atheist home...... Akiane began having spiritual visions at age three, and by age four she was creating art based on them." Her model was a stranger that she met and was inspired to use him as her model for Jesus. Google states that "the painting took 40 hours to complete. Google also shows the picture which was "famously lost or stolen for years before being recovered. It was later featured in HEAVEN IS FOR REAL." Now it hangs in Marble Falls, Texas in THE BELOVED GALLERY. She continued her art and poetry into adulthood (also from Goggle).

Todd and his wife went through great difficulties at his church. Even though they were devout Christians, the congregation and its Board could not bring themselves to believe that Colton's out of body experience was real. Even experts told him it was impossible, and his little boy had a fixation with Jesus and Angels. That sounds ironic, doesn't it? But how many of us when questioned about our faith would act any differently? Do we really believe what we have been taught to believe?

Fortunately, since that movie came out another wonderful movie came out: THE PASSION OF CHRIST - a Mel Gibson produced film starring Jim Caviezel who needed to learn Aramaic, Latin and Italian for the movie. It is superb and extremely powerful, and certainly made Jesus real for me. I've watched it many times. Mel Gibson is now working on THE RESURRECTION OF CHRIST with a younger Finnish actor - Jaakko Ohtonen playing Jesus. This is due to come to theaters in about a year.

During the original production of 2014 with Jim Caviezel, an Italian actor named Pietro Sarrubi played Barrabas, the convict the crowds yelled should be released. Sarrubi was an athiest who turned Christian after the movie was made. During one scene when Barrabbas glances over at Jesus with a Crown of Thorns on his head while he is standing next to Pontius Pilate, Sarrubi takes another look as was written in the script, but then an unscripted second look and he saw the "real Jesus", not Caviezel. That gave me chills the first time I watched it.

We are also blessed by another production titled THE CHOSEN with Jonathan Rhoumey doing a wonderful depiction of Jesus Christ and great actors as all his apostles. Dallas Jenkins is the producer of this series. The final season will be shown in theaters next year. The cast and crew have developed a deeply spiritual and emotional bond with one another which is touching to see.

As you have probably guessed by now, I'm going through a renewal of my own Spirit which has caused me to think more deeply, and create according to my spiritual beliefs. It's life-enhancing and deeply spiritual delving into these various avenues of inspiration. We find inspiration wherever we choose to find it.

NAMASTE