A FRIGHTENING TIME

I am experiencing a difficult physical challenge. About a week ago, I found that I could no longer swallow easily because I could no longer belch. Okay, I guess that sounds kind of gross, but that is the closest I can come to describe what I am going through. The apartment I live in has been exposed to very unhealthy fumes, which management absolutely refuses to acknowledge, much less do anything about it. But, it is what it is. What I resist, simply persists. So I keep on inhaling, but to fight it only makes it worse.

As a result of all of this,  I was admitted last evening to the emergency room of the hospital. It was BJC, in St. Peters, Missouri … an excellent hospital far better than most I have been in … and, quite frankly that’s been quite a few!! These kind and gentle folks took such good care of me. They did all in their power to bring me comfort and relief … including but not limited to a very challenging stress test that I endured. If you have never undergone one, it is difficult to describe how painful it is.

It wasn’t the kind of stress test where you run on a treadmill. It was the kind where chemicals are administered intravenously over a period of about a half hour. I cannot describe how frightening and painful this procedure was. It took forever for the effects to wear off and I was, simply stated, terrified AND exhausted. Going through the Cat Scan was nowhere near as uncomfortable because I was able to lie down and simply have the machine move around me.

I hope you never need to go through this. I did so at the suggestion of my excellent chiropractor whom I have been seeing for about four years. Since he had a heart attack a few years ago, he is familiar with pain and with stress tests. He was concerned that I may have been having a heart attack. As painful as the past 24 hours or so have been, I am grateful for his professional concern. I have no heart problems at all. The tests proved that. I daresay my own fear, worry and frustration have caused a lot of my stress and fear.

In the face of all of this, I truly wish I could say that I get the same kind of warm and professional treatment from my regular medical doctor, who is virtually impossible to reach. I’m not giving up there either. I’m going to begin tomorrow morning “hounding” her until I get an appointment to see her. There is nothing more frustrating in the world than playing “phone tag” with your primary care physician. That is not the way it SHOULD be, but, unfortunately it is too often the case. It is not entirely her fault. It is the system that is at fault. Healthcare in this country has indeed improved vastly, but it still leaves a great deal to be desired. So, I have to continue to advocate for myself.

AND I SO I DO! AMEN!

                  THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND AS THOSE WHO WILL NOT SEE

This quote from Genesis says it all about some of the stubborn folks in life who refuse to look past their noses, their own egos, their own needs and their own desires. It’s dangerous enough for average people to be stuck in this pattern, but when it applies to a leader of any kind … spiritual or political … problems arise. The world we live in and the political climate of our own country pretty much illustrates that point. Yet, there is only so much we can do about leaders of any kind. We can hold them in love, in light and in prayer, recognizing the God part of them that they have forgotten or buried under pride, ego or even deeply felt hurt of their own.

I’m sure we all know people like this: people who complain and do nothing to make the world a brighter and more loving place, people who seem to suck the very air out of any room they walk into, people who see nothing but storms on the weather front. If we keep hoping these people will change, if we keep hoping we can please them no matter what, we remain stuck loving the “unavailable”. This blocks the flow of our good. It eats away at our sense of self-worth, erodes our confidence and fills our bellies with pain and our hearts with longing.

In that case I am the one who is blind and will not see. Raise an imaginary hand if this is true of you. We spend precious energy trying to please and impress folks who just don’t have it in them to respond to whatever we say or do. For myself, I realize that these longings go back to childhood. Who among us wanted more love and more attention from our parents and did not receive it … either at all … or else received the kind of attention that no one wants … the kind that hurts and abuses … bruising young hearts.

My problem is that I have allowed people to hurt me from beyond the grave as well as feel hurt by the ones right here sharing planet earth with me. The deceased are long gone. The ones whose love and approval I would like are perhaps totally unaware or do not care. So, now I’m stuck being disappointed with the deceased AND the living. Okay, it happens to all of us right, if we are being gut honest? But to remain there for the rest of my life - our lives - is a recipe for disaster: physically, mentally, emotionally and, especially, spiritually.

Holding on to disappointment stuns our growth … maybe even our physical growth as a child … but most certainly it stuns the kind of growth that God placed us on this earth to enjoy. That is the growth of the soul. That is the growth of a heart that loves beyond boundaries … one that loves whether it is loved in return or not, the kind that Jesus gave away, even to his death on the cross. That is a pure and spiritual love. Yet the human heart also has to have the good sense to recognize when it is time to let go of those feelings of wanting to be loved and accepted by everyone we meet. That is simply not realistic.

So, go easy on yourself, but do not be one of the blind who will not see.

            GOD LOVES US

God loves us with strength and power which is unknown to man. He loves us as his Beloved and longs to be close to us all the time. He is not a jealous God, but a warm and compassionate, lifelong companion who seeks to shower upon us every good and perfect gift. He thinks of us at every moment of every day. We are, literally, the center of his universe, loved beyond nature and animals and all the other beauty in the world. He created all of that just for us and only for us. The very cosmos exists because we were planned to be the center of it. There is no thought that comes through our minds, whether it is one of fear, anger or longing … that is not also felt by him. If we are sad and lonely, so is he. If we rejoice, so does he.

I am going through a health crisis right now. It is no accident, but the result of a lifetime of living in fear and anger and longing to be loved like I am the center of someone’s universe. No human can fill that need, only God. God wants my total attention, my total love and devotion so that he can bestow upon me all my heart longs for … all it has longed for since the moment I was conceived. Not one of us, “good” or “bad”, is conceived by accident. God longed for us from the center of his being. That is why we are here to live on planet earth. Every good thing is ours as soon as we ask for it, but we block it from happening with our fear … or perhaps with our feelings of unworthiness, anger and negativity.

I attended my great niece’s wedding last night. My best friend, Cindy, came to the wedding with me. It was wonderful having her there. We danced and celebrated and danced and celebrated. Everything was done with perfection, with beautiful attention to each detail. It was a joyful occasion. But I think the thing that touched me most deeply was that my niece’s sister-in-law and my niece’s husband went out of their way to speak with me and to make me feel welcome. That really warmed my heart.

Too often we are like the woman at the well who came for water to quench her thirst. Jesus told her that the only way to quench her thirst was to drink the waters of eternal life, eternal life lived in the presence of the one who created us. God simply wants us SO MUCH. His love is SO BIG, that human love pales in comparison. Nothing else is ever going to give us the satisfaction, the love and the tenderness we long for. God loves us, beyond doubt. He awaits our attention so that he can pour out all love and goodness upon us. We are the center of his universe. That is the way it has always been and the way it will always be until the end of time. We are blessed beyond measure if only we open our eyes to see.

WHEN MY BODY SPEAKS TO ME

It seems to take a crisis in health or circumstances to cause me to pause and look closely at what is going on inside. These past couple of weeks I have faced health challenges which not only frightened me, but also caused me to pause and think more about who I really am, my power, my abilities and the amount of control I do indeed have over my body and my life. I’ve had to slow down and re-establish my connection with the Divine within me. Sitting quietly and patiently in the Silence of Prayer has proven to be far more powerful than any human medicine.

During these days of bodily, spiritual and emotional upheaval, I’ve learned greater perseverance, patience, and letting go and letting God be God in me. Most of my life I have battled with control issues, impatience and anger. I know the roots of these go far back into childhood. They have been embedded in my consciousness and, therefore, within the very cells of my body. What has grown from those “seeds” has been a harvest of fear, doubt and feelings of being powerless and unworthy. If I don’t pay attention, my body reacts … sometimes loudly and painfully. The pain is a “gift”, even if it is an unwelcome one.

If nothing else, illness slowed me down. I had to take precious time apart … sitting quietly, listening to peaceful music, sleeping with peaceful music, reading spiritual material and absorbing the lessons it teaches. And I have the precious gift of a powerful support system of those I love. When I fail to pay attention to what is going on inside, my body reacts … sometimes loudly and painfully. But pain can actually be a “gift” when it makes me reassess my priorities and my activities.

There is nothing more powerful than pain in my gut to grab my attention. Our gut is the center of our bodies, the solar plexus, the place of energy and intuition. We all have moments when we know “in our gut” that something is either right for us or wrong. The gut is not only where we process food. It is where we process our emotions. When negative emotions become “stuck” in our digestive track, food gets stuck as well.

Our gut - our solar plexus - is the place where our subconscious mind connects with our physical body. When we are stressed, the flow of life is blocked. We become “constipated” - not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I have been forced to acknowledge my emotions this past couple of weeks because they have been “churning” within me. They are linked to my intuitive self. So, what emotions and truths about myself have I been stuffing instead of acknowledging and allowing to flow freely? Fear, disappointment, anger, unforgiveness, resentment?

Perhaps I’ve been ignoring my inner self and the wisdom it imparts to me. Maybe it is telling me I need to slow down, reassess my priorities, look at my values, gently examine my life and engage in acceptance - “warts and all”. Maybe it was even trying to tell me of my own worth, that I am far more powerful and creative than I believed, that I deserve to pause and rest. I slowed the pace, forgave my shortcomings and perceived flaws. And when I forgive myself and others, I receive the gift of peace to heart, soul, mind and body … a healing peace which allows the power of life to flow within and through me once again.

And, perhaps the greatest lesson of dis-ease is the realization that the present moment is the only moment there is. Living fully in the present in the now, appreciating God's love and gifts to us, is the momentum which carries us forward into a more fulfilling life.

HOLY MOMENTS

In Matthew Kelly’s book titled “HOLY MOMENTS”, he discusses the idea that at any time we have the choice to do something selfless, to perform an act of kindness for another which comes directly as inspiration from God. This means we must be open to hearing what God says to us so we put aside our own needs in service to another. It can be anything as simple as a kind word to the checkout person at the grocery store, doing a favor for a friend, or holding someone in prayer. At the Unity church I attend, we have a “prayer chain” in which we hold one another in the Love, Light and Wisdom of God. All these beloved friends are participating in holy moments.

Ever since I have read Kelly’s book, I have decided to implement holy moments in my life. Yesterday, I went to McDonald’s to purchase a meal, and donated extra money in gift cards for other customers who would follow. Today, I did the same at my favorite Chinese restaurant. I like to think it brought some small joy to the recipients, and it is fun to imagine the look of pleasant surprise on someone’s face.

Likewise, when I was at Aldi this afternoon, I found two beautiful bouquets of roses. On my walk home, I decided I would give them to two friends in my building. They were surprised, and their smiles showed their joy. And it was my joy.  “God loves a cheerful giver”. When we spread warmth and cheer to others, we cannot keep it from ourselves.

Holy moments result in behavior that is a reflection of our state of mind and the Christ Consciousness present within us. For example, when we choose to hold our temper rather than release it on some unsuspecting person, this is the result of a holy moment. We not only hold our temper, but we replace feelings of anger with patient, loving kindness.

When we feel urged to grow beyond our comfort zones, and attempt new things, these are also God inspired holy moments. We stretch ourselves beyond our usual behavior and take a risk and try our wings. Beginning this blog months ago was one of those holy moments for me. I would like what I speak of in this blog to bring out the best in myself and in anyone else reading it … helping us to become a better version of ourselves as we choose to carry out holy moments.

Likewise, when we are faced with difficult decisions, we take them to God in prayer. Perhaps a crisis has arisen. We are fearful, unsure, at a crossroads with no idea what to do. In this instance we turn to Spirit and receive the comfort and inspiration we need to move forward in yet another holy moment.

As Kelly points out in his book, holy moments produce exponential results. They are not simply one moment in time. That moment is multiplied over and over again, like a tidal wave of goodness reverberating throughout the world and permeating the universe. A small change in behavior has a ripple effect, the dynamics of which affect the entire human race.

REFERENCE:

“HOLY MOMENTS” - “A Handbook for the Rest of Your Life”

Author: Matthew Kelly

Published August 2022 Blue Sparrow

Additional Information: Courtesy of Google

THANK YOU GOD

Thank you God for all things great and small

For the day we awaken to, rich with promise

For the love of friends and family

For the food we eat which nourishes our bodies

For the gift of prayer which nourishes our souls

For our prosperity in all matters

For the clothes we wear

For the gifts of imagination and creativity

For the job we have and for the car we drive

For the beauty of nature that surrounds us

The sprinkling of stars across the heavens at night

The moon sparkling on the still surface of a lake

The sun which warms us

The trees that shelter us

The birds that sing to us

For all the creatures that populate the earth

For all of nature, from the highest mountain to the deepest green forest

For all of these amazing gifts we give thanks and send a blessing to all throughout the universe

            WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

With the world and our country being in the state of upheaval it now is, the question arises, at least in my mind, WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? One of the trustees at my church suggests that we must become politically active when human rights are being threatened. This has not been the norm for Unity, even at the time of WWII and the atrocities being carried out by Hitler. All of the political upheaval that is taking place today is equally disturbing at so many levels. Therefore this person has a valid point. Unity handles everything with prayer, focusing on Divine Order, stating “THERE IS ONLY ONE POWER AND ONE PRESENCE IN THE UNIVERSE AND IN MY LIFE, GOD THE GOOD OMNIPOTENT.” As part of Unity we believe there is no separate power of Evil in the world, only people who choose to act with evil intention. Further we believe that the divine spark of God lives in every being, is everywhere present throughout creation. So no matter how an individual presents him/herself to the world, God is still in that person. I hold these tenets to be TRUTH with a capital “T”. 

Still, I have questions. And, since I am questioning, I ask myself what Jesus would do if he were alive today. He was never political in his actions during his leadership of the apostles. In fact, he shunned all political affiliations, refusing to take a public stance on the atrocities being committed by the Roman government. He led powerfully and effectively by example only … the way he showed up in the world and treated everyone alike: “saint” or “sinner”. He was strong and sure in his beliefs, but he always led with LOVE. He did not simply react, but instead acted from the TRUTH at the center of his being. And I believe that is the way that each of us needs to act as well. But, unfortunately, as strongly as I believe this, there are still plenty of moments when I forget.

Acting as Jesus would act is a challenge which comes much closer to home when we consider our actions relevant to our place in society, in our workplace, in our families or in the world at large. It has a huge impact with regard to those we love … family and friends. Recently, with a family member I love dearly I took a strong stand on something that I believe in. In doing so, I hurt someone I loved. That was definitely not my intention. But had I taken a deep breath and continued to act with thought, rather than simply REACT, my pain and that loved one’s pain could have been spared. This situation is still not totally healed, but I pray my loved one knows I meant no harm and knows I want only the very best. I ask her forgiveness for any and all problems that arose due to my questioning her beliefs and her behaviors.

She has as much right to her perspective and her desires as I do to mine. I know there may be no easy answers to some problems that arise. Still I hope that I do better the next time … that I listen more closely, be more empathic, pay more attention to detail, and attempt to understand her point of view. If she happens to read this anytime soon, I hope she will forgive me. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we forget to treat one another with tenderness and compassion. No, we do not have to agree, we have only to disagree with love and respect. I know for certainty that is what Jesus would do.

Namaste my loved one.